How Each Year Begins...

Every year, there is a sense of hope and dread when it comes to the start of the growing season. Whether it is for my home garden or the farm. The hope comes from the anticipation of what the season will bring, the dread comes from the same. For any grower, uncertainty is a major part of our lives.

For several years now, the best part of winter has been going through seed catalogues and drooling over the varieties of vegetables, flowers and fruits that can possibly be grown. It is like clothes shopping for a large event, you can only imagine what it would be like to have the gorgeous results displayed on the catalogue pages. But, we all know that those are simply dreams. Much like the work that goes into getting ready for a big event, what leads up to the final product can be a road full of twists and turns. Unpredictability is something we take for granted when dreaming, no matter how experienced we are.

In fact, that is where the dread comes in. And I find, that the more years of experience I develop, the more dread I have for the upcoming year. As time goes on, I am exposed to more knowledge of challenges that I could face with the environment, policies, markets, and fate. But, just like with challenges, successes can also pop up when least expected. That is where uncertainty turns into hope.

This is where I think growers of any kind (gardeners, farmers, plant enthusiasts, etc.), develop a sort of super power in tenacity. We know there is a factor of failure involved in every single effort. That's why many of us put two seeds into a pot instead of just one. Because we know that there is a chance that the best of seeds still won't all germinate and to give ourselves a slightly better chance of success, we double the odds. Even with that manipulation, fungus can take over your whole lot of pots and your efforts are worthless. With all the factors at play, there is simply no way to know whether we will see any kind of success. In most other endeavors, folks would get depressed and quit. Yet for us growers, spring comes along and you can't keep our hands out of the dirt. We just can't give up.

This will be my third summer on the farm and I am looking forward to not only using the seeds we collected at the end of the season last year, but ordering seeds that will add to our landscape and ecosystem. But, I am also worried about the degree of failures that could lie ahead and the loss that will bring to our funds and efforts. How much money will I spend? How much will actually grow? What if there is a drought? What if the deer come through and munch through everything just as it's all in bloom? Will I be able to sell any of my crops? Again, unpredictability brings a lot of dread.

But there is another side to it and that is the uncertainty of what joys the growing season will bring. When I look back on the last growing season, the best parts of being on the farm had nothing to do with the unpredictable factors. It had to do with being able to spend time with family outside, watching butterflies make their way through the plants, staring at the blur of hummingbirds feeding on nectar from the flowers, and being in the company of trees and animals that gave meaning to every day spent on the farm. The joy came from the effort of being present in the space, not from the outcomes.

I understand how privileged I am in that the farm does not feed and support my family. I am able to find that joy within that space and not give into the dread of the unpredictability because the failures aren't connected to my and my family's sustenance. This privilege sets me apart from many other growers, including my ancestors who had to survive the devastating impacts of those failures. Sometimes, this is what fuels my hope. If I can find ways to make the unpredictability tolerable, maybe I can find ways to share that with others to relieve some of their dread. The goal is to not conquer the unpredictability, but to use my privilege to understand it better and then share that knowledge.

That is the crux of it all. I am here to learn and what better teachers than uncertainty and unpredictability. Teachers that make us learn through experience and in the moment. So as I begin this growing season, with the same hope and dread as every other year, I start with knowing nothing but with the will to learn as much as I can. Here is to the start of a new growing season for all of us looking to grow in any way we can.